May 18, 2011


Hello, Beautiful!

This isn't the usual beauty related post, and I apologize for that, but right now I only have one thing on my mind and I'm terrified! Tomorrow I have my nerve conduction test. I am needle-phobic and have put off this test for at least 2 years now because of the amount of needles that would poke me during this test. But I'm at a point in my life where I'm tired of all these temporary solutions to my leg pain; I want a forever solution and this test could be a last step in piecing together the puzzle to find a forever solution.

If you don't know, over three years ago I injured my leg pole dancing. I used to pole dance for fitness all the time. I loved it and was obsessed with it! I wouldn't go a day without pole dancing (we had a pole room set up in our home) and then one day, on a drunken girls night in, I broke my toe while pole dancing. I actually ended up having surgery to have a pin inserted into my toe because I had completely snapped the ligament and broke the bone off (gross, I know, and very painful). I had to have the pin in my toe for a few weeks, which meant I couldn't pole dance... but I did anyway from time to time.

The day I had the pin removed from my toe, giving me the okay to get back to pole dancing regularly, I decided to celebrate. I was drinking again (only a little this time) and ended up slipping again in the same move that I did when I fell and broke my toe. Not wanting to break my toe again I just let go and fell. Stupidest thing I could have done, now looking back at that night. I landed directly on my left butt cheek from about 6 to 8 feet in the air. It doesn't sound like it would be that devastating of a fall, but a few weeks later I noticed the pain I had would not go away. I spent many nights crying my eyes out from the pain and eventually got on pain meds to help.

Nothing showed on x-rays or MRI's... which truly baffle me. I don't understand how with the pain I'm in that something, anything, couldn't show up. They said I would need a nerve conduction test, which I said I would do until I heard what happens. I had a panic attack in the doctors office and said no. I tried different meds and for awhile they worked, but nothing fixed it. I went to physical therapy for 8 straight months where they tried to massage out tons of scar tissue in my butt and thigh using the Graston technique. It seemed to really help, but then insurance stopped covering my visits and I couldn't go anymore. Then I finally hooked up with a pain center. They put me on different meds once again and eventually, months later, I caved in and had my first epidural nerve block. It did nothing :(

They did a second one and it did take away some of my pain (the pain in my butt cheek) but not the pain my thigh and it added a new pain in my calve. Now, over three years later, I think I'm ready to get the nerve conduction test. This is basically the last test they can do to really tell what could be going on. Well, there are other things but I don't even want to talk about them. I'm so tired of being in pain. It rules my life. It hurts to sit, to stand, to walk, to run, to move, to drive, to do anything! I cannot get through a day without pain meds. I think in the past three years I've gone maybe a handful of days only needing over the counter meds, like Advil or Aleve. I don't want to keep taking pills. I hate it! I want to have another baby so bad and I need to get this leg pain gone so I don't need to worry about it anymore, even though my pain docs said they do have pregnant patients and you can take certain pain meds during pregnancy; I just don't want to take any!

So being needle phobic like I am, I am TERRIFIED today. I couldn't sleep last night because my heart kept racing. Today I can't focus on anything because I'm having panic attacks. I can't find my anxiety meds anywhere and I'm beginning to truly freak out. Thankfully my husband took off work to go with me tomorrow. I need that moral support! It's pretty sad; I'm 27 years old and I'm terrified like a 5 year old would be. I just hope I don't pass out tomorrow.

Wish me luck. I'm going to need it!


  1. Oh darling, my heart goes out to you. I've been needle phobic for many years, but I've almost overcome it out of force.
    I have impossible veins according to the hospital. First time I got rushed in, it took them 45minutes to take blood. Second time, 2 hours. My veins are so thin and deep.
    The last time I was in, I lost count of how many of them tried, but at that point I was so tired, and in so much pain, I stopped caring. Which was kinda nice. Before I would have such bad panic attacks I would just pass out.

    Best of luck hun, try memorising a relaxing song as something to focus on tonight, and tomorrow, listen to it in your head. I found that sometimes helped me.

  2. Oh my... I would just die of a heart attack if they took that long to take blood from me!

    When I was pregnant I found out I had a blood clotting disorder and needed blood thinner injections in my stomach twice a day. I seriously considered not having my baby for a split second because of how paralyzing my fear of needles is. I didn't see how I could possibly get through it. Then the doctor finally suggests I use a prescription numbing cream and that basically saved me. I was able to get through it. I still use numbing cream whenever I have to give blood or in any other needle situation. I even used numbing cream before getting my tattoo! I am SUCH a big baby!

    Hopefully tomorrow I can say the test was no big deal and it wasn't all that bad. I just really hope they get results from this test. I don't want to go through all this and not have any results. That would be so disappointing!


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